I wish there was a pamflet on understandung girls

Girls are by far the most complex creatures of all time. I don't understand them! I'm not even sure if they understand themselves! It's like everything I say or do to impress a girl backfires. When I compliment them, they'll most likely be offended for something. And they claim to like "nice guys", but statistics and experience shows that they do NOT care how nice you are. They only like you if you act better than everyone else and drive an expensive car! Which I don't have... So does this mean I'm doomed to be forever alone? if there was some kind of way I could understand their complex way of thinking I'd be better at this. I've even asked girls questions about this, trying to gather important info to improve my love life. But they never tell the truth when I ask. They just say typical things like "If you're nice to her she'll like you." Lies! if it was true I'd have a girlfriend! If you're reading this and have any information about the female mind, please share I'm desperate.

I wish humans had built in night vision

Humans should have night vision. Cuz it sucks when you're walking in the dark and nail something with your shin and it kills! It wouldn't happen if you could actually see in the dark! Or when your friends think its funny to scare you, and you're walking through the dark and they basically give you a heart attack. And if you could've seen them, this wouldn't of happened! I know it's not that big of a deal, but it would just be really helpful. We've all had situations where we couldn't see anything. But if this was true, I guess horror movies would probably cease to exist.. and I like horror movies. So let's just forget about this idea ok?

I wish junk food was healthy

I hate how so many things that are good for you, taste awful! Why does food have to be bad for you to taste good? I mean what if Mcdonald's was the healthiest thing you could eat? I'd be like the healthiest person on the planet! (I eat there daily). And before basketball games you'd see the players scarfing down twinkies right before going to play. And they would have mountain dew in their water bottles to drink during the game. And it would actually be healthy! I know it's never gonna happen but a guy can wish can't he? not all healthy food tastes bad, but in my opinion, the majority of it does.

I wish I had a paradise I could go to whenever I want

Life is stressful right? Everyone has a lot of problems they have to deal with every day, and it's just hard! Wouldn't it be nice to have a little paradise you could go to any time you need to relax or get things off your mind? Just your own little happy place. Everyone's ideal place would be different obviously, but I have a pretty good idea of what mine would look like. It would be on an island, a tropical island. The sky would have beautiful sunset sky colors all over it. Mellow oranges and pinks and purples everywhere. And you'd be able to see so many stars, and galaxies, and planets in the distance close enough to see. The air would feel warm and calming, like a summer night. There would be palm trees all around, with sweet fruit growing on them. Beautiful music would play quietly in the background of it all, accompanied with the sound of happy birds chirping. I'd lay on the warm golden sand, and just watch the calm water. It would be a tropical bluish green color, warm to the touch. And I'd just lay my head back, and stare into space, watching galaxies turn and shooting stars flying by. And after a while, I'd just sleep, knowing I'm safe where I am, knowing that nothing from the real world followed me in there, and I can just rest in peace for a while.

I wish my computer screen was clean

My compute screen is filthy. Well it's the schools computer, so they're responsible. As you can see, I created a hexagon type shape. I did this to show you where spot on my screen that has dirt all over it. Wow I'm just so creative! well this little vent sesh wasn't supposed to go long. Just felt like letting you know about my annoyingly dirty computer screen.




    _____
  /            \
/                \    <<<<<< Dirty Spot
\                /
  \______/

I wish I could forget things on command

This sounds really dumb, to wanna forget things. But hear me out! Do you remember the first time you heard your favorite song of all time? It was probably incredible. Or the first time you watched an incredible movie? Just good times. So what if you could make yourself forget hearing the song? Or seeing the move? You could hear an amazing new song every day and love it just as much as the first time you heard it! And you wouldn't need to buy movies. You'd only need one, because you could watch it over and over again! See I told you it was a good idea. Plus being able to forget things would come in handy when you get friend zoned by a girl... Just forget it ever happened! That's probably the biggest reason right there.. I'm pathetic

I wish I could control time

Wouldn't time control be amazing? There's so many things I would do! First off, I would never have to wake up tired. When it's time to get up, no problem, just freeze time and get more sleep. And during school I'd just pause time, and go drive some sports cars on the freeway or something! or of course when you see someone you really don't like. It wouldn't be too hard to pause time and get a few punches on him, and no one would know but you. And he'd just get a really, really bad headache all of a sudden. Oh, and not to mention that you could be the best athlete that ever lived. In a football game, when the ball gets passed to you, just slow down time, and catch it with ease. Or in track, you could slow down the other runners just a little bit, and you'd win every race! Are you starting to understand how much fun this would be? Well I don't know what I pushed on the keyboard to make it underline the words... But I'm not good with computers so I'm not even going to attempt to fix it.. sorry.

I hate bipolar weather

It's so miserable. I feel the temperature outside before getting dressed for school, and its freaking COLD. So obviously I wear pants and a hoodie. So after school gets out, I leave expecting to feel the same cold weather, and I get outside and it hot! Like deathly hot. I start to sweat instantly, and I wish more than anything I would've worn shorts and a T-shirt. This doesn't sound like too big of a deal, but it causes me a lot of difficulty in my life. Why can't the weather just stay relatively the same throughout the day? That's all I ask.

I wish gum never lost its flavor

Okay picture this. You and your crush just had the night of your lives at Prom, and you're walking her to her door. It's going perfect, she thanks you for the fun night, and looks into your eyes, waiting for THE kiss. And all of a sudden you realize, your breath smells awful! Like, gag at the smell awful. The gum you had in your mouth lost all of it's minty flavor! So you awkwardly shake her hand, hoping she doesn't get a whiff of your nasty breath. She rolls her eyes and walks inside. You blew it. And who's fault is it? The gum, it lost its flavor do fast! Now do you understand why this is such a big deal? Gum losing its flavor is flat out inhumane and it needs to be stopped.

I hate getting nice clothes dirty

When I'm dressed like crap and just don't care, I never get dirty, ever. But the second I buy a new shirt or put on clothes I actually like, it seems like the whole universe senses it and declares a full fledged attack on me and my clothes! A cup of milk will always somehow make in onto my pants. Or if I'm eating an ice cream cone, there's pretty much an 85% chance it's gonna fall on me. Or my little brother will run up and hug me right after he's done devouring a messy peanut butter and jelly sandwich. At this point I've pretty much just accepted the fact that I can't wear nice things and keep them nice. The universe hates when I think I look good..

I wish paper was edible

If paper was edible, my life would simply be better. When I write the wrong thing on a piece of paper for homework, instead of crumpling up and throwing it away, I could just eat it! and it would be amazing if I always had a papery snack in class for when I get hungry before lunch! And there would even be different flavors of paper, like fruity and minty kinds, it's all preference. And hobos wouldn't always be so hungry! they could just find a dumpster where someone threw away their paper, and that hobo is set! I sincerely think this would make the world a better place.

I wish cars ran on pee

Okay I know it sounds gross, but what if cars could run on pee? When the car is running low, you better start drinking a lot of water! And people probably wouldn't use toilets nearly as much, they'd just bottle their pee up till the car needed it. Yes, this is a pretty gross topic.. but seriously! Pee has no purpose, except for those weird nature people who drink it, but that's weird. So I'm just thinking conservatively! Now that I'm really thinking about it, it's seeming like not a very good idea after all.. Just forget I ever wrote this.

I hate when the kid in front of me has dandruff

Have you ever sat behind someone in school who has really bad dandruff? If you have I'm sorry, I know exactly how you feel. The worst part is when you notice some of his dandruff has fallen onto your desk or on your assignments! And then you have to blow it off your desk.. No offense to anyone with dandruff, but it really is gross, they have special shampoos you can buy, so hey there's hope for you! Or just to be respectful of others, maybe wear a hat..

I wish my stomach had no end

So I went to my favorite buffet restaurant yesterday, and it's obviously all you can eat! So I just started eating away, it's actually amazing how much food I can eat, and the food was so amazing! But then all of a sudden I got that little feeling that told me that I'd be too full to keep eating soon.. But that wasn't acceptable. I kept going at it, past the point of getting really sick, like I always do when I come here. Finally I knew my time was up and I gave in to the food pains going through me. I wish my stomach never ended! The food is just so good, I would just sit in that restaurant all day and eat. It sounds like an amazing thing. But I guess if I ate that much I'd probably end up in a food coma..

I hate when clouds cover the sun

You know when you're swimming and it's nice and hot and you can feel the suns rays on your neck and back and it's amazing! Then out of nowhere it's gone! What kind of sick creature would block out the sun? Oh yeah it's a cloud. And hey I like clouds! They're so pretty, but when I'm trying to swim and it just things it's cool and stuff by moving in front of the sun it just makes me pretty angry. Of all the times it could've moved there it decided to while I was swimming! Like who does this cloud think it is? I could be getting more tan right now but I can't because of a cloud, and now the chick I want to ask out probably won't say yes because she'll think I'm too pale! And she might've been the girl I was supposed to marry and now I can't because she won't go out with me because of this cloud! Maybe our first son would've been the president one day and made world peace! Or cured cancer, or been an astronaut that stopped a meteor from hitting the Earth! Nice, cloud, now you're responsible for there not being world peace, millions dying of cancer, and the dang planet being destroyed! The nerve..

I wish mornings had a pause button

Waking up early for school is literally one of the worst things of all time. I mean, it's not even humane to make a human get up at 6 in the morning. I just can't even function! A good ol' pause button would just be so nice, like, you hear the sound of your alarm (alarms are the devil's work.) and instead of hitting snooze, you just push pause. And then you can just fall back asleep, doesn't even matter how long! Man, I'd lay in my bed for so long, probably get like 6 extra hours of sleep on top of the 7 I just got. 13 hours of sleep seems about right for me anyway. And then once you're good and rested, just hit un-pause and it's still 6 am, and you're ready to get out of bed. Ands for those of you who are girls, and take like 3 hours on your hair every day, just leave your morning paused 'til your hair is done! wow another problem solved, I'm just on a roll. If only I was like a scientist too so I could try to invent this type of stuff, but I'm not, sorry to get your hopes up everybody.